{"id":392,"date":"2009-09-22T04:52:19","date_gmt":"2009-09-22T03:52:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.mpdspace.com\/blog\/?p=392"},"modified":"2011-10-30T00:08:13","modified_gmt":"2011-10-29T23:08:13","slug":"how-to-be-happily-depressed-the-dummies-choice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mpdspace.com\/blog\/humor\/how-to-be-happily-depressed-the-dummies-choice\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Be Happily Depressed… The Dummies Choice"},"content":{"rendered":"

How to be Happily depressed<\/span><\/span>, is a light hearted take on a few things that we should avoid in order to maintain a balanced and cheerful state of mind”<\/span>.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Maintaining a depressed state of mind is a skill, a skill that must be practiced daily, a skill that must be refined and homed into an art. Using the skill, determination and discipline of a Shaolin monk, the aspiring depressive can be happily grounded in a negative frame of mind. I\u2019ve written a step by step guide of how to keep your frown intact and your smile held back.<\/p>\n

1. Turn on your TV for a daily dose of mood control<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

Uno \u2013 Find a really good news channel, one that does an excellent job of only reporting a daily dosage of murder death kill news and disaster stories. Consciously keep in mind that nothing good happens on this little planet, We call our home, floating alone in this cold dark empty universe!<\/p>\n

Now that you’ve found your news channel watch it at least twice a day before bed and in the morning.<\/p>\n

2. Keep away from Kids<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

If a baby or small child smiles at you, Don\u2019t return the smile, look away as fast as humanly possible \u2013 a child’s smile can be extremely infectious it may ruin many hours of moody conditioning.<\/p>\n

3. Be a human garbage <\/span>bin with Broken wheels<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/h3>\n

Eat as much fast food as you can… and 4. move as little as possible.<\/p>\n

5. No deep breaths –<\/span><\/h3>\n

Don’t forget to keep your breathing shallow, hold your breath when ever possible, maintaining a steady tension in your neck and shoulder.<\/p>\n

Be a moron<\/p>\n

Spend more money then what you earn, credit cards will help you do that. If you’ve not got one, waste no time and get one with the high interest, Don\u2019t read the terms and conditions, in time these steps will set you up for a nice surprise.<\/p>\n

7. Keep gray sky\u2019s in your heart and mind what ever the weather<\/p>\n

Let the weather dictate your mood and don\u2019t forget to complain, what ever the weather.<\/p>\n

8. Keep negative associations<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

Positive associations ruin bad habbits, stay away from people who may try to clean up your sinking thinking, good friends are so interfering. Only associate with people who are going to feed and maintain your bad habbits<\/p>\n

The above is just sooo crucial don\u2019t talk to positive or cheerful people they may brighten up your day.<\/p>\n

10. Remove as much color from your life as you can<\/span>.<\/span><\/h3>\n

Wear old dark or faded clothes not classic just old and torn. Painting your walls black, really helps to bring your mood down.<\/p>\n

11 . Keep your home a Flower and Plants free zone<\/span><\/span>Don\u2019t keep house flowers and plant, unless their dried and wilted or at the very most plastic replicas, try the old damaged kind.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/h2>\n

If it ain’t knocking, don\u2019t let it in. Lock the sun out of your life.\u00a0Keep windows and curtains closed, over exposure to sun light can trigger the release of mood altering hormones.<\/span><\/p>\n

12. Be sure to say your UN-inspirational affirmations – <\/span><\/span><\/h3>\n

i’m so stupid, i’m a idiot. i’m just no going at anything, this is the way i am, i’m always making mistake, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t etc.<\/p>\n

13. Be overly negatively critical<\/span><\/span><\/h3>\n

Criticize all people and things. Don\u2019t discriminate if it walks talks take the opportunity to critisize it and have a moan, if it sits in your field of vision have a moan.<\/p>\n

14. Close your mind to the unknown …<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

Never trust your intuition only accept what you can see and touch have faith that the 3 percent your brain that you do use is capable of perceiving what the other 97 percent of your brain can perceive… that\u2019s enough science babble… We don\u2019t want to even venture in the realm of the other 97% of you brains potential.<\/p>\n

Believing in any kind of super natural all in composing force which holds the muiltverse in balance.<\/p>\n

15. Fill your mind with crap<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

Watch a decent horror movie before you go to Bed- comedies and love stories movies should be strictly off your viewing list.<\/p>\n

16. Cultivate bad vibes <\/span>–<\/span><\/h3>\n

To secure\u00a0a restless night and a shitty morning,\u00a0Pick an argument with your partner before bed, if you\u2019re single just shout at yourself in a mirror, preferably one that is broken so you can get a nice distorted veiw of your self, this will help you get up on the wrong side of the bed!<\/span><\/p>\n

Sleep in the clothes you\u2019ve been wearing all week. do this until you can\u2019t stand your own stench… What ever you do don\u2019t change your bed sheets.<\/p>\n

Bath once a month, if you can try holding out for a bit longer, as long as you can tolerate your self.<\/p>\n

17.\u00a0Believe that their no good in the world<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

Believe the world is going to end any moment, no matter what good you see.<\/p>\n

18.\u00a0Have a close network of overly negative friends to bring you down<\/span><\/span><\/h3>\n

whenever your spirits are two high. Good friends are friends who support and reinforce your negativism<\/p>\n

Get as little sleep as possible<\/p>\n

Lay in bed all day watching TV. It\u2019s Great for subduing your energy levels and numbing your mind.<\/p>\n

If you want to be happy do the exact opposite of what you just read SMILE \u2013 either way being happy or sad is something that is cultivated! \u2013 All things take an investment of energy, be happy, Be good to yourself.<\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

If you find this information helpful take part in the spirit of giving and share with a friend\u2026 each one teach one!<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How to be Happily depressed, is a light hearted take on a few things that we should avoid in order to maintain a balanced and cheerful state of mind”. Maintaining a depressed state of mind […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,22],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-392","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","category-self-conditioning"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p46H4F-6k","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mpdspace.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/392","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mpdspace.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mpdspace.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mpdspace.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mpdspace.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=392"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/www.mpdspace.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/392\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2765,"href":"https:\/\/www.mpdspace.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/392\/revisions\/2765"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mpdspace.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=392"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mpdspace.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=392"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mpdspace.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=392"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}